A Name...

This evening was a difficult time for me, but it is ending with a little bit of closure. I'll start off by telling you about my little dance class tonight. I have a class of about 15 little ballerinas and they are precious. Many of them knew that I was going to have a baby, and they thought that my absence over the past two weeks meant that I was having the baby. Many of them were so excited when I walked through the door, but the atmosphere quickly turned. One little girl asked if I had the baby... and I had to tell her no. I explained to her that the baby wouldn't be coming. It was one of the hardest things that I've had to do. She just couldn't understand where the baby had gone. I gently told her that God had decided to take the baby straight to Heaven. She said "Oh, okay!" and went on about her way. There are so many times that I wish I could have that same attitude. I want to be able to say "Okay, the baby is in Heaven. Everything is fine. The baby is with my Lord." But I can't always do that. I'm selfish. I want the baby here with me. I envy her child-like faith.

I came home from work and I couldn't wait to get into Robert's arms. I had missed him so much today. He has been so comforting to me during this time. A few days ago, we decided to name our baby. We had looked at several names and discussed one in particular. It is a biblical name and we decided to read about this particular name and see what came to us. Tonight we came to a conslusion about our precious one's name. We have chosen... Micah.

Micah was a prophet in the Old Testament. It means "gift from God". Micah was a gift. For a few short months we celebrated over Micah. God gave us this precious gift. A blessing. One we had prayed for for 3 years. I don't know why He chose to take Micah, but there are many reasons we chose this name. Micah lived in one of the darkest times of Jerusalem, but he saw the light ahead. He spoke like a person who had seen the world through God's eyes. I was reading in a bible of mine (The Student Bible - NIV) and it says that Micah looked straight at the darkness of his time and at the darkness yet to come. But his perspective - God's perspective - enabled him to see beyond the darkness. "Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light" Micah 7:8. Robert and I are experiencing a dark and difficult time right now, be we know that the LORD will be our light.

After we named Micah, Robert and I wept. It was real now. Micah was real! Micah was a sweet precious baby that I carried, loved, and hoped for for two months. I miss Micah so much already and I always will. It will never be ok that Micah is gone, but I know that there is light beyond the darkness. And I know God will never leave my side and He will guide me through. "He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness." Micah 7:9b