My love...

I am so blessed! I have the most loving husband anyone could ask for. We've been married now for over 5 years, but we've been together now for well over 10 years. I still remember the first time I saw him. He was wearing a t-shirt, tennis shoes, and these navy and gray plaid shorts (that I think he still owns to this day)! He was the first person that I saw when I walked into my new school my junior year of high school. He was so cute! A few months later we were at a choir retreat. My director was pairing up old members with new members and guess what? She paired me and Robert up. We spent hours talking. We learned that we had so much in common. One thing stood out to me. He was such a gentleman! I mean, I had been out with guys and they were nice, but they were nothing like this. I had never met a guy with this much chivalry. He was incredible! I had a CRUSH! We went through the year getting to know each other and he was becoming more and more desirable to me. No one was better than him. I had to have him! By spring break, he still hadn't asked me out (granted I was dating someone at the time, but I knew it was about to fizzle). We went away on a choir trip during that break. I sat by him the whole week. Any chance I got to be with him, I was there. I was even telling him about the loser guy I was dating, hoping that he would get the hint. So, we are 30 minutes away from being home from our trip and I finally just went up to him and said "Hey, if you hadn't already notice, I like you!" He looked at me like I was losing my mind. I vaguely remember the conversation after that, but I do remember him asking me to JR/SR banquet. It went something like this...

"Well, um, if you and that guy, um aren't going out anymore, um, so, um, do you think you might, um, want to go with me?"

Finally...... I thought that moment would never come. Me and the other guy were history by the next morning.

I won! I got the guy that I had been dreaming of for the past year.

By that summer, we were in love. I couldn't stay away from him. He was amazing! A few years later, we hit a hard time. I was struggling with many things in my life and I didn't really know how to deal. I wasn't myself. I was experience anxiety attacks and literally dealing with a form of depression. He never left my side. He was always there. One night, after one of my fits of rage, I looked at him and I asked him... "Why are you still with me? I've been so horrible to you?" He looked at me with his beautiful eyes and said "This isn't you. This isn't the Brooke that I fell in love with. I'm not leaving you like this. When you get through this, if it still doesn't work, we'll see what happens. But, I'm not leaving you!" Wow! I knew at that moment that he would be the man I spent the rest of my life with. God gave me a precious treasure in Robert Ramsey.

To this day he still amazes me. He wrote me a song when he proposed to me and I'll never forget it. Last night, he shared with me another song. It was precious and beautiful. Maybe one day I'll share it with you, but right now it's something treasured between me and him.

I just wanted you to know a little bit about the man that stands behind me, walks beside me, and leads me. I thank God daily for what He gave me. He knew exactly what I needed. He knew that one day we would face losing our baby, and He knew that it would make us stronger, closer, and faithful. He also knows that there will be many more times that we will need each other. And we'll lean on each other...as we always have. I love you, my sweet husband, and I always will.

I found the one whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go...
Song of Solomon 3:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

To Micah:

My sweet, precious Micah,

I think of you almost every moment of the day. I long for you, often. I wonder about you. I wonder what you look like. What color are your eyes and your hair? I long to hear your beautiful voice and see your grace on the dance floor. There are so many things that have been taken from me as a mother. I can't hold you and I want to so badly. I want to comfort you when you cry and light up inside when you smile. There are so many things that I won't get to experience with you. I won't get to pick out your Halloween costume next year, which I was highly anticipating. You won't have your picture made with Santa Clause. We won't get to decorate Easter Eggs and hunt them together. I won't drop you off on your first day of school or see you in the school play. You won't be able to introduce me to your best friend... or your first date. I won't see you off to college. And I won't dance with you at your wedding. There are so many things that we won't get to do together, but there is one precious thing that I can't wait for. You will get to introduce me - face to face - to the LORD! What a wonderful blessing. We share a great treasure in each other. We are both children of God. And He is holding us both right now in His arms. I miss you and I look forward to the day that I get to hold you in my arms.

With all my love,
Mom

A Name...

This evening was a difficult time for me, but it is ending with a little bit of closure. I'll start off by telling you about my little dance class tonight. I have a class of about 15 little ballerinas and they are precious. Many of them knew that I was going to have a baby, and they thought that my absence over the past two weeks meant that I was having the baby. Many of them were so excited when I walked through the door, but the atmosphere quickly turned. One little girl asked if I had the baby... and I had to tell her no. I explained to her that the baby wouldn't be coming. It was one of the hardest things that I've had to do. She just couldn't understand where the baby had gone. I gently told her that God had decided to take the baby straight to Heaven. She said "Oh, okay!" and went on about her way. There are so many times that I wish I could have that same attitude. I want to be able to say "Okay, the baby is in Heaven. Everything is fine. The baby is with my Lord." But I can't always do that. I'm selfish. I want the baby here with me. I envy her child-like faith.

I came home from work and I couldn't wait to get into Robert's arms. I had missed him so much today. He has been so comforting to me during this time. A few days ago, we decided to name our baby. We had looked at several names and discussed one in particular. It is a biblical name and we decided to read about this particular name and see what came to us. Tonight we came to a conslusion about our precious one's name. We have chosen... Micah.

Micah was a prophet in the Old Testament. It means "gift from God". Micah was a gift. For a few short months we celebrated over Micah. God gave us this precious gift. A blessing. One we had prayed for for 3 years. I don't know why He chose to take Micah, but there are many reasons we chose this name. Micah lived in one of the darkest times of Jerusalem, but he saw the light ahead. He spoke like a person who had seen the world through God's eyes. I was reading in a bible of mine (The Student Bible - NIV) and it says that Micah looked straight at the darkness of his time and at the darkness yet to come. But his perspective - God's perspective - enabled him to see beyond the darkness. "Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light" Micah 7:8. Robert and I are experiencing a dark and difficult time right now, be we know that the LORD will be our light.

After we named Micah, Robert and I wept. It was real now. Micah was real! Micah was a sweet precious baby that I carried, loved, and hoped for for two months. I miss Micah so much already and I always will. It will never be ok that Micah is gone, but I know that there is light beyond the darkness. And I know God will never leave my side and He will guide me through. "He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness." Micah 7:9b

Robert and Brooke Ramsey

Hello! This is my first entry and the first time I have ever blogged. I am learning how to work this cite and how to add interesting this to my blog, so be patient as I eventually work out the kinks.

I will tell you a little about me and Robert. We have been married now for 5 years and we live in Cabot, AR. He is the worship pastor as Mt. Carmel Baptist Church, which is what brought us to Cabot. I am currently teaching dance at Page & Co. Dance Academy and I also sell Premier Jewelry.

Robert and I have recently suffered a loss in our lives. One week ago today, the Lord took our unborn baby to be with Him. I have many things in my mind and in my heart that I need to get out and I hope this blog helps me to do so. I have many friends who have blogs and I've recently come across other blogs that have been comforting to me. I feel like writing is a process that will help me to grieve during this time. We covet your prayers during our time of healing.

Brooke